


baby trouble

by fadedtouches



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Domestic, Gen, Magical Realism, Platonic Cuddling, i think??, seho at the end if you squint, suho is a literal baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 01:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14344983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedtouches/pseuds/fadedtouches
Summary: “Hurry up! We still need to clean the bed and buy diapers.”“I know, but why is Joonmyun-hyung ababy?”orexo learns how difficult it is to be a mom





	baby trouble

**Author's Note:**

> many apologies if some of them don't appear much in the fic, i'm not really used to writing many characters at once
> 
> Edited: 3/3/19  
> I noticed a bunch of embarrassing typos/mistakes that i had apparently missed before, so i fixed those up. Added and changed a few words here and there too, but other than that the fic is still pretty much the same. Enjoy~

Sehun wakes up to wailing, shrill and incessant. He pulls his pillow from underneath his head and places it over his face, pressing down at the sides to block out the noise. With that done, he closes his eyes and wills the crying away.

When it doesn't stop after what feels like eternity, he slips out of bed, sleepy and grumpy. It’s a rare day off and he doesn't appreciate being disturbed from much needed sleep. It’s cold, so he drapes his blanket over his shoulders and checks the clock on the bedside table.

Fucking _six_ in the morning.

He is not ready for this shit.

There’s a wriggling lump on Joonmyun’s bed which he eyes for exactly two seconds before standing and going over to knock on Minseok’s door.

“Come in,” comes the muffled voice from behind the door. Sehun does, and plops down on the floor. The room is tidy as always, so the floor is clean enough to lie down on.

“Good morning.” says Sehun.

Minseok gives him a look. “Good morning to you too. What brings you here?”

“Can I sleep here for a while? Our room is noisy.”

“I guess,” Minseok agrees with a shrug. “But what do you mean it’s noisy? Are you sleeping in Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s room?”

“No.”

“Then?”

When Sehun doesn’t give him an answer, Minseok pulls him off the floor and the younger boy whines.

“Get up, you are going to give me answers. We’re going to your room.” Minseok orders.

They barely make it to Sehun and Joonmyun’s room before crying is heard. Minseok stops and looks at Sehun whose face is annoyed.

“What..?”

“I told you the room was noisy,” he says crossly.

“I see that now, but what? Is that a baby?”

The pair enters the room cautiously. The wriggling lump is still on the bed, and Minseok pulls off the sheets slowly, mentally bracing himself for what might pop out.

There’s a baby underneath. An actual baby. Minseok takes deep breaths.

“...Where’s Joonmyun?”

“...”

“Did he go out?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Is he babysitting someone’s kid?”

“...I don’t know.”

“...Do you know if he’s had any… affairs?”

“......”

“Sehun.” Minseok says authoritatively. “Call Joonmyun’s phone.”

Sehun, now wide awake, rushes to do so. If he and Minseok can't come up with answers, then they can only call Joonmyun to ask. Except they hear his phone ring from underneath a pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

With asking Joonmyun personally now out of the window, Sehun edges nearer to the bed to get a closer look at the infant.

“Minseok-hyung…”

“What is it?”

“I think those are the clothes he wore to bed last night…”

Minseok frowns and squints at the tiny old white t-shirt and bunny-printed pajama bottoms on the baby.

“I think the baby _is_ Joonmyun-hyung.” Sehun’s voice sounds far away. Minseok can only stare helplessly.

“But… _how_?”

Minseok manages to get the younger boy to ask Joonmyun’s older brother to send him some baby pictures so they can match the faces and confirm that the baby is Joonmyun.

“Just tell him it’s for blackmail,” Minseok advises when Joonmyun’s brother asks Sehun why he wants baby pictures.

 

 ~

 

Sehun waits nervously as Minseok analyzes the baby’s face and Joonmyun’s baby picture. 

“Holy shit.” the older man says. “I think it _is_ him. But how?”

Before either of them can get another word in, the baby—Joonmyun—cries louder than he had been previously.

“O-oh,” Minseok panics. “Sehunnie, go get Kyungsoo and Yixing. If you can, try not to wake up the others until after we’ve sorted this out.”

 

~

 

“What the fuck,” Kyungsoo says unapologetically and promptly turns around to walk out of the room upon seeing the crying baby on the bed. He is not awake enough for this. Minseok stops him with a hand on the shoulder. Yixing on the other hand, readily coos at the cute bundle. “Awww, that’s so sweet. Who is this?”

“This, my friends, is Joonmyunnie.” Minseok introduces. He had no idea what to do to make him stop crying. Feed him? But with what?

“What?” Kyungsoo and Yixing say simultaneously.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but we have solid evidence, especially his pajamas. We looked, and the adult-sized ones are gone.”

“Oh...right, well, I think we should give him some milk right now…” Yixing suggests when the crying becomes louder again.

“How are we supposed to do that?” Kyungsoo crosses his arms. “And have you told the managers about this?”

Minseok had thought about informing them the very second they concluded the baby was indeed EXO’s leader, but with no clue as to how it could have even happened or be possible, he didn’t dare try anything yet. They could tell the managers later in the day. He could practically hear the scolding they’re going to get.

He could also picture tomorrow’s headlines with how fast media is these days: _EXO TO DISBAND AFTER LEADER SUHO TURNS INTO A BABY._ He shudders at the thought.

“Not yet,” Minseok mutters as his mind continuously conjures up pictures and scenarios of Joonmyun being stuck as a baby forever. “I’ll tell them later. Well anyway. I guess we need to go hunt for supplies or something. Yixing and Sehun, you two come with me and search for…” he trails off as he realizes he has no idea what to look for. He used to take care of his younger sister, but then everything baby-related was already available.

“Something with a straw?” Sehun suggests.

“Or maybe a tiny bowl?” Yixing adds.

Minseok nods, seeing no other option available. “It’s worth a try. Kyungsoo, please stay here and watch him in case he falls off the bed or something.”

Kyungsoo agrees and sits on the floor to watch the baby cry. Not the best job, but he didn’t have to move around so that was nice.

It doesn’t take much longer for the rest of the members to start waking up and moving around the dorm. Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Chanyeol go about their morning routine fairly loudly. Yixing hurries back into the room a few minutes later with a sippy cup filled with milk.

“Where did you get that?”

“Sehunnie had to run out and buy it since the others were waking up.”

Right. Kyungsoo wonders how they plan to tell the others that their leader had turned into a baby. They could lie and say Joonmyun went out or something, but if he doesn’t become an adult again in the next 24 hours, they would have a big problem on their hands.

 

~

 

Breakfast time rolls around too soon, and they gather around the dining table with one missing member.

“Where’s Joonmyun-hyung?” Jongin asks as he grabs a chicken leg.

The four who are aware of the current situation look at each other pensively before Minseok sighs. “About that, there’s something you all need to know…”

 

~

 

After a lengthy explanation of what had happened, which consisted of Baekhyun and Chanyeol laughing at just the idea of an adult becoming a baby, Kyungsoo leads them (and Jongdae and Jongin) to the room to see for themselves, only to find out baby Joonmyun has pooped in his pants.

The four others stand in the doorway with their mouths hanging open in shock as Kyungsoo moves past them to get the baby, face filled with distaste. He hands the child over to Jongdae who makes a face at him.

“You’re the only one I trust to be able to handle a baby.” he says by way of explanation. Turning to the others, he orders them to grab cleaning supplies and fresh bed sheets. When no one moves, he pinches their arms.

“Look, I know this is shocking, but you need to hurry up! We still need to clean the bed and buy diapers.”

Baekhyun shoots him a helpless look. “I know, but why is Joonmyun-hyung a _baby?_ ”

Kyungsoo just gives him an expression of utter despair. "I wish I knew, too."

 

~

 

After cleaning up Joonmyun and the bed, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Yixing are sent out to buy some much needed supplies. The rest stay at home gathered around the dining table to face the problem of telling their manager that EXO’s leader is currently unable to function.

“Well…” Jongin says after a few minutes too long of the four members left just staring at the phone uselessly, “I don’t think we should delay telling the managers about this…”

“Okay then,” Sehun says, pushing the phone towards Jongin. “You can tell him.”

Jongin glares at the younger boy who just stares back at him unapologetically for half a minute before Minseok finally sighs and grabs the device from the table. He dials and puts the phone on loudspeaker. It takes more than five rings for the manager to pick up, and when he does it’s with a sleepy voice as though he’d just woken up.

“Hello?”

“Ah, hyung. Good morning?” Minseok greets uncertainly. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

On the other side of the line, the manager groans. “No, no… I was just... taking a nap... Anyway. Did you need something?”

“Well you see, we kind of have a little problem at the moment…”

“What?” The manager asks sharply, alert now. “What kind of problem?”

The four boys gathered around the table glance at each other shortly before Minseok lets out a breath. “Joonmyun turned into a baby.”

Silence. Then, after a long moment, “Minseok-ah,” their manager says slowly, as though he’s talking to a child. “Have you been drinking? Did Baekhyun get you drunk?”

“No, I…” Minseok cringes. “No. Hyung, can please come over for just an hour?”

“...Fine. But if you’re drunk…” He trails off and lets the threat hang in the air. Part of the reason why Minseok had sent out the troublesome members (and a reliable one to take charge) to buy baby needs was because of this very reason. If either of them were around, their manager wouldn’t even give them the time of the day.

 

~

 

Thirty minutes later and they are gathered in Sehun and Joonmyun’s room, surrounding the latter’s bed as they watch the baby sleep the day away peacefully after being fed. Their manager hasn’t said a word since seeing and confirming that the baby is indeed Joonmyun and Jongin pokes at him carefully.

“Hyung..?”

“I need a moment…” he mumbles dazedly before walking out of the room. 

With that done, the men turn back to look at the baby. It’s odd, having such a tiny thing present in the dorms sleeping so peacefully after being washed and fed. Huh. All those things had seemed much harder on TV or when their parents retold stories from when they first had children. It doesn’t seem so bad at all.

Except the four who had been out to buy supplies burst in just then, Baekhyun and Chanyeol announcing their arrival loudly while Jongdae and Yixing sigh in defeat. The noise startles Joonmyun awake and he starts crying again. Kyungsoo looks decidedly murderous as he stalks out of the room to deal with them. They _just_ got Joonmyun to sleep.

Ten minutes later, they come into the room as Minseok is frantically trying to calm the crying baby down by rocking him. Baekhyun has the decency to look sheepish as he tugs in a large paper bag. He digs into the bag and comes up with a stuffed toy which he gives to Joonmyun.

Joonmyun stares at the toy for approximately two seconds before he resumes crying even louder than before.

“Okay, okay!” Baekhyun yelps, throwing his hands into the air. “Wrong thing to do.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like stuffed toys,” Chanyeol suggests. He digs into the bag again.

“What did you even buy?” Jongin asks. “Looks like a lot of stuff.”

“It is a lot.” Jongdae tells him as he watches the baby with fascination. “We weren’t sure what to get, so we got everything just to be sure.”

Chanyeol manages to procure a baby rattle from somewhere within their purchases and he shakes it in front of the baby. “You hear that? Interesting isn’t it? Want to play with it?” Joonmyun ignores him and carries on crying. “Obviously not. What else? We have other stuffed toys too, should we try those?"

“Maybe a pacifier?” Sehun suggests.

Jongin, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Yixing, and Jongdae look at him blankly. Kyungsoo gives them a look that suggests they’re idiots. “A what?”

Minseok sighs. “Those things you give to babies to suck on.”

“Oh, we have those!” Yixing exclaims. He manages to find one in the shopping bag and tears off the packaging then gives it to the baby who thankfully calms down after a moment.

They collectively let out a sigh of relief just as their manager comes back into the room. He nods towards Joonmyun still in Minseok’s arms. “Any idea why he’s like that? I could pull up some contacts and try to see if they can find out anything before I report to the higher ups.”

“No. He was just...like this when we woke up.”

“But he _is_ going to turn back, right?” he asks, challenging the members to say otherwise. “You have schedules tomorrow and I expect you all to be there practicing hard. Got it? Good.” With that, he turns around and leaves not even bothering to confirm with them about looking into the strange situation. It must be tiring to be EXO’s manager.

 

~

 

Two hours haven’t even passed and Joonmyun is already crying again. Kyungsoo sighs as he goes to check on the baby. “What is it this time?” They’d dressed him properly and put him in diapers after their manager (who was still single and therefore wasn’t of much help) left then tried to get him to sleep. It hadn’t worked though, so they placed him in the living room to watch TV as they went to have a meeting.

“I certainly hope he turns back soon, or hyung will have our heads tomorrow.” Jongdae says.

“I think Kyungsoo-hyung is starting to lose it too,” Jongin whispers dramatically when he’s sure Kyungsoo’s out of hearing range. “How many times has Joonmyun-hyung cried this morning alone?”

The rest of the members nod gravely in agreement as they peek out the door towards the living room watching Kyungsoo pick up the infant and try to figure out why he’s crying. Kyungsoo is the gentlest member in group, but he doesn’t have the patience and knowledge to take care of a baby who’s supposed to be a _grown man._

“Maybe he’s just hungry,” Baekhyun suggests as he comes up behind the younger boy. “It’s almost lunch after all.” Kyungsoo looks severely doubtful of this but he puts the baby back on the couch anyway to go prepare a bottle of milk.

Strange. Taking care of children hadn’t seemed this difficult when they guested on Return of Superman, although that might have had something to do with the fact that those kids were toddlers rather than babies. Joonmyun continues to wail even after they feed him and it takes them numerous failed attempts to bathe him and play with him before he gets tired and eventually falls asleep.

 

~

 

They’re all relaxing in the living room when they hear it. A loud _thump_! coming from upstairs, and they freeze.

“What was that?” Sehun asks slowly.

“I think we’d better go check on hyung,” Chanyeol suggests, so they do. They run up the stairs two at a time and burst into Sehun and Joonmyun’s room.

“Shit.”

Joonmyun is not where they left him.

“So he fell off his bed…” someone mutters as though it isn’t obvious. But Joonmyun isn’t on the floor anywhere, and Minseok feels the beginning of a panic attack coming on.

“We probably should have gotten him a crib…”

“Everyone,” Minseok orders, “Go check your own rooms and see if Joonmyun has crawled there. Sehun you stay here and check your room thoroughly, look through your closets and the clothes on the floor.” They all run off, doors banging as they rush to find their leader. It would be a big problem if he managed to get into some kind of trouble.

Minseok as the eldest and thus automatically in charge with Joonmyun out of commission is just about to tear his hair out of frustration after turning over the desk when finally Sehun cries out a triumphant “I found him!”

The youngest member is down on his knees looking under the bed when they emerge from their own rooms. “I just need to figure out how to get him out here…”

It takes a long while before Joonmyun finally decides he’s played under the bed enough and Jongdae looks distressed when he sees the baby. “No, why are you like this? Why did you have to crawl under your bed? I just bathed you!”

Joonmyun’s arms and legs are covered with a thick black layer of dust and there are cobwebs hanging off his back. He moves to suck his thumb but Jongdae pulls his arm away. “No,” he says, eyeing the baby sternly. “You are having a bath. And then you are going to take a nap on the couch.”

The rest of the member stare after the pair as Jongdae carries Joonmyun off to the bathroom for another bath.

“Jongdae would be a good dad,” Yixing comments, to which everyone agrees. It takes Jongdae a solid thirty minutes to rid the baby of all the dirt he’s covered in, and when they finally get downstairs where everyone is waiting, Joonmyun looks fresh and clean bundled up in another set of baby clothes while Jongdae is a haggard mess. He gurgles happily as Jongdae rocks him in his arms in an attempt to make him sleepy again.

Jongin offers to take the baby as he gives Jongdae a look. “I think you should go rest.” Jongdae doesn’t even bother rolling his eyes at the statement.

“Yeah, thanks. See you guys later.”

They give him his pacifier again and though at first he’s restless after being transferred to another set of arms he finally relaxes much later. The rest are all eyeing the baby warily wondering what he might be up to next. Maybe this is why taking care of children is hard; because they don't know any better yet and are prone to getting into trouble because of their curiosity.

Even when he falls asleep again in Jongin’s arms, none of them dare to take the chance to let their guards down again. Joonmyun had sported a bump on his forehead from falling off the bed and he’d been less than cooperative when they tried to put a band-aid on it.

“I had no idea it was this tiring to take care of babies.” Chanyeol muses thoughtfully.

“And there’s eight of us,” Baekhyun adds.

Minseok rolls his eyes. “That’s how Joonmyun feels when he takes care of you big babies. And there’s only one of him.”

 

~

 

Joonmyun wakes up before dinner is ready so Baekhyun and Chanyeol take it upon themselves to play with him shamelessly since they’re not helping out in the kitchen anyway. Joonmyun tries to stuff crayons into his mouth one too many times while they’re coloring and they decide to switch the crayons with a soft bouncy ball. The baby seems delighted by the toy and gives the thing his attention for the rest of the evening until dinner is served.

It takes the other members a while to finish eating since they keep their eyes on the baby and end up dropping their food. They have to burp the baby after dinner, and Minseok who has most experience of them all do the job. It makes Joonmyun sleepy and he droops against Minseok's chest as they sit in the living room to watch TV.

At half past eight, they finally tuck Joonmyun in. For safety purposes, they have the infant sleep with Sehun so that a repeat of the afternoon’s incidents wouldn’t happen. The leader is already soundly sleeping and Minseok looks at the pair tiredly. “Please be an adult again tomorrow. I don't have the patience to take care of seven other adults and a baby.” He pleads.

The peace does not last long of course. At one in the morning, Joonmyun is up and crying again and the members find him in the bathroom with a very disgruntled Sehun attempting to clean him up and change his diapers. “When they told me idol life was tiring I didn't think this was what they meant.” he grouches. Baekhyun giggles at the unfortunate predicament of the youngest member.

He continues crying afterwards, and Sehun shoos them out of the room so he can cuddle the baby without being laughed at. They haven't tried it yet, but according to the internet, a mother's warmth is the most calming for babies. Not that Sehun is a mother or anything. It takes a while for the cuddling to take effect, but it's nice when it finally does, and Sehun can't remember a time where he's felt more at peace than he does right then.

 

~

 

When Sehun’s alarm finally wakes him up the next morning for their schedule, he’s grouchy and confused. He’d gotten so _little_ sleep last night because his roommate had dared turn into a baby, and even with the constant snuggling, he'd woken up a couple more times to Joonmyun crying. He just wants to  _sleep._

It takes him approximately three minutes to finally realize that 1) the blankets have been kicked off, 2) he has turned into Joonmyun's blanket, and 3) Joonmyun is an adult again, which is the best realization of all.

 _Fucking finally,_ he thinks, in between remembering the manager's threat yesterday and knowing how they wouldn't need to suffer any longer.

The rest of the members are ecstatic to find out that their leader is back to normal, and they take turns hugging a very confused Joonmyun. "What happened?" he asks. "Is there a good thing happening?"

"Definitely," Kyungsoo tells him as he nods sagely. "As long as you don't become a baby again, we're happy to be part of EXO."

**Author's Note:**

> edit: i have zero experience taking care of a baby so idk how accurate this is. feel free to yell at me in the comments <3


End file.
